Everyone Needs This Training

Impact Report, Dec. 2025

During this Advent and Christmas season, as we think about the Son of God taking on flesh in order to save the world, we pause and thank God. We pray you are able to pause with us to worship our great God.

In this Impact Report, I share the story of two eager pro-life advocates, Maya and Matthew. Both joined me in a special conversation that took place at the University of New Mexico (UNM) when we partnered with the Summit Ministries Gap-Year Program to conduct outreach there in March. Maya, a Summit student, made a special impact in this conversation where Matthew didn’t, and that was in part because of the special gifting she has from God and in part because of Summit’s priority on providing JFA’s training for their students. There’s still time to give a special year-end gift to help us train more Christians like Maya in the coming year. Please consider giving a generous gift today at jfaweb.org/donate.

Steve Wagner, Executive Director

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I think the conversation lasted for about three hours.  It all began when a student stopped to talk at our intern Alora and my daughter Elsie who were stationed near our poll table at the University of New Mexico (UNM) in March.  The young man with a skateboard wanted to know why they were hurting women.  So I spoke up and said, “I’m the Director of the organization, so I’m happy to talk to you.”  Well, based on what followed, I’m not sure he was happy to talk to me.  He proceeded to tell me what I believed and all about views I held...that I don’t actually hold.  When I attempted to answer a question he asked, I barely had three words out before he would cut me off.  It was ugly.

At University of New Mexico (UNM) in early March, a crowd formed as Steve (center right) engaged a heated skateboarder in dialogue.

I was in my element, though.  A crowd began to form, made up of JFA volunteers and UNM passersby.  Soon a shorter female student with bright pink hair stepped up and said she wanted a turn.  Evidently I was either a sounding board or a punching bag for each of these students to share their thoughts.  I carefully listened, and I worked hard to live out the tools we had been training our volunteers to exemplify: listening to understand, asking questions with an open heart, and finding common ground when possible.

Soon a student named Kayla confidently joined the conversation, and the large crowd continued to listen for awhile before our volunteers did what I had hoped they would do – turn to their neighbors and ask what they thought.  Kayla and I and a few others ended up in a smaller circle continuing to dialogue. 

That’s when a UNM student I’ll call Matthew joined our conversation.  Matthew was very intelligent, very conservative, and very confident.  If I remember correctly, he also said he was a Christian.  As I listened to the conversation between Kayla and Matthew, I became concerned.  When Kayla mentioned women who were raped, Matthew quickly pointed out that only 1.5% of abortions happen due to rape.  I don’t remember each of the next exchanges, but they all followed a familiar pattern: Kayla would share something about the plight of women, and Matthew would give an intellectual response to show how her point didn’t justify abortion. Kayla was getting more and more agitated, and her anger and annoyance were palpable. Matthew was unfazed.

A student named Maya had joined our circle and motioned that she wanted to tell me something. “I don’t think the way he’s doing this is very good. I think he should use a different approach.” Maya said this humbly, with a spirit of concern for Kayla and not an intent to criticize. Maya was serving as a volunteer on our mission outreach team, along with about 40 other students and faculty from the incredible Summit Ministries Gap Year program. (Cheryl Kaye Davis, who served on JFA’s training team from 2012-2016, helps direct this program and helped arrange our partnership.)

Maya (center left) and Steve (center right) talk to Kayla (hidden) and other students at UNM.

I knew Maya had had some difficulty creating conversation that day. Although she is incredibly sharp, Maya has a disability that means it takes her a little longer than most to get her words out, and she is also shy. What I said next was a gamble, given the high intensity of Kayla and other pro-choice people in the circle. They really seemed to be coming to the end of their patience. I trusted Maya, though, and even more importantly, I trusted that God would help her. I whispered, “I think you should say what you are thinking to Kayla. Would you like to?” Maya looked at me a little surprised, but I could tell she was also eager.

When there was a break in the back-and-forth debate responses from Matthew, I said, “Kayla, this is my friend Maya. She wanted to say something.” And Maya began. It took her awhile to get her first question out. Kayla listened intently, and I could tell she was rooting along with me for this young woman that many people would say was not going to be the best advocate because she speaks slowly and needs the listener to attend more carefully than usual. Maya asked a question that was right on point, but it was filled with understanding and calm kindness. She was being relational while also being intellectual. She was seeking to understand by asking for clarification. I only wish I could remember the exact words so I could replay them here for you. They were beautiful.

Maya (center left) and another Summit student named Luke (center right) conduct a survey at our UNM event. See below for more pictures from this and other recent events.

Kayla and Maya proceeded to interact for the next many minutes, and Maya accomplished what I had been unable to, and what Matthew seems not to have attempted: a personal connection with Kayla. Yet Maya did not accomplish this by setting aside the truth. She was beautifully weaving concern for the truth with concern for Kayla as a person, someone worth loving and challenging. I could tell Kayla was receiving Maya’s gift.

I felt privileged to watch our training bloom and flower in Maya’s life. As I reflected later, it struck me: Every Christian needs this training. There was only a small difference between Matthew and Maya. Both had zeal and concern for God and the truth and justice for small humans, but Maya had the additional benefit of Summit’s excellent faculty and curriculum along with JFA materials, interactive exercises, and mentoring. (To learn more about Summit, please see summit.org.)

Please consider giving a generous year-end gift to help our team as we work to bring this training to every Christian (jfaweb.org/donate), especially through partnerships with like-minded organizations like Summit. We are eager to help every Christian learn to use the simple skills that can transform their well-meaning debates into dialogue that changes hearts and saves lives, both the physical lives of the unborn and the spiritual lives of people like Kayla.

– Steve Wagner, for the JFA Team

Note: Please also read Maya’s beautiful reflection on this conversation below.

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“No Excuses” - A JFA Volunteer Reflection by Maya

The UNM experience was unique for me because it wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t there for the first part of the conversation with Kayla, and I probably wouldn’t have been there for the second half of it if it hadn’t been the Lord’s timing. Ironically, that particular day started off feeling like a failure. I remember being on campus wanting to start a conversation once the people were flooding in. Every time a person approached, I chickened out because I felt inadequate. I kept thinking oh, I should let my well-spoken friends speak to them because they would get it out more confidently.

Before JFA and Summit training, my thought process was that it was only the really strong conversationalists that can explain to people why the pro-life position matters. The JFA team loosened that idea for me but it was still ingrained into me. So I just listened to all the conversations because I still thought it was important to hear the other side. The crowd had died down to a couple of people around 11:30, so I ate lunch around that time.

Then a friend of mine (her name was Franziska) and I decided to go around the campus asking people questions about abortion. I let her do most of the speaking. My friend encouraged me to speak up, but, in the back of my mind, I had already decided that I wasn’t someone who needed to be heard. I hated that I hesitated, but the doubt was so heavy that I couldn’t push past it. Franziska and I did this for a while, and we weren’t making progress with many people, so we decided to go back to the display earlier than expected. On the way back I remember being really disappointed.

By the time we had walked back, all I could see was Mr. Wagner engulfed by a large crowd. Curious, I came up closer, and he was engaged in a conversation with Kayla. Then a man who was not with our group came into the conversation. The man was a Christian and a Republican. He and Kayla were getting into a heated discussion about rape and abortion. This man was incredibly intelligent, and I could see that this topic meant a lot to him. However I was paying more attention to Kayla. I was listening intently to hear what Kayla had to say and see where she was coming from. I could see she was breaking with every point she was trying to communicate to the guy because she was trying to make the guy see why it mattered to her. At that moment, I realized that she was just as scared as I was. All I felt was empathy for her.

At that moment I just drifted off to the side to think. Mr. Wagner was there, and I just said what I was thinking. “I don’t think his approach is very good. I think there should be a different approach.” Mr. Wagner’s next words shocked me. He asked me if I wanted to say what I was thinking to Kayla. Internally I was screaming, “No, no, no! Say no. I’m not the one you need.” Then out of the corner of my eye I saw Kayla, and I don't know why, but I automatically said, “Yes.” I fumbled through the conversation badly. But somehow I was able to get through to her. I think she could sense I was scared to death, and we were both rooting for each other. I listened to her, and she was listening to me. I thought it was a very fruitful conversation.

As I think back on the experience, it reminds me of the story of Moses. Moses gave all sorts of excuses and begged God to choose someone else. In the end, the excuses didn’t matter because we serve a mighty God who can handle our inadequacies. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” It is only in God that I was able to say Yes in a situation where I would’ve said No.

– Maya, Summit Ministries Gap-Year Participant and JFA Volunteer

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See More Recent Event Photos AND POSTS…

...On Flickr (click image)

...On Instagram (click image)

...On JFA's "Quick Look" Page

More Conversation Stories From RECENT EVENTS

• This Conversation Has Really Opened My Eyes

• I’ve Never Heard that Perspective Before

• Putting a Face on Abortion

• Which Path: Equality or Inequality?

"Cast Down Your Cares"

Note: We are reposting this reflection from Dec. 11 with an introduction from JFA's Executive Director. For Kristine's original post for her readers, click here.

Introduction

I’m so thankful for our outstanding trainers. During our college campus outreach events, they both mentor volunteers and personally help passersby “stop and think” (see jfaweb.org/nov-2024). In this Outreach Reflection, one of our newest staff members, Kristine, discusses a challenge we regularly face: so many people share such heavy stories. Kristine helps us think more deeply about the true solution we can offer to others and also utilize to stay healthy ourselves.

Don’t forget to visit jfaweb.org/blog for recent stories of changed hearts and minds, including “Connecting the Dots,” “Joseph Changes His Mind,” and “Never Underestimate a Picture.”

There’s still time to give a year-end gift! To receive a tax-deductible receipt for 2024, give your gift today at jfaweb.org/donate or postmark it by December 31.

-Steve Wagner, Executive Director

Outreach Reflection

by Kristine Hunerwadel, Regional Training Intern (Denver, CO)

While conducting workshops and outreach events with the JFA team over five days in September (at Colorado State University and University of Northern Colorado), I heard all of the following statements:

• “If I got pregnant tomorrow, I would get an abortion.” 

• “My mom was in an abusive situation, and she should have been able to have an abortion.”

• “My dad was adopted, and his biological mom struggled with the reality that she placed him for adoption all her life. She should have been able to have an abortion.”

• “My friend was raped, and her parents wanted her to keep the baby, but she didn’t want to, so I drove her to the abortion clinic.”

• “I had an abortion when I was 17, and I don’t regret it. I think about it a lot, but I don’t regret it.”

• “I went in to have an abortion, but then I changed my mind about it and asked them to stop, but they didn’t. They said it was too late.”

• “One of my family members didn’t find out she was pregnant until she was seven months along, and she had a third-trimester abortion then, here in a Colorado hospital.”

• “It would have been okay with me if I had been aborted.”

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A comment left on JFA’s free speech board at a MiraCosta College outreach event in October

The amount of pain and need reflected in these statements felt enormous to me, and I’m thinking now of the many human beings who were willing to share their thoughts and stories with me, a stranger. Each of these human beings was made in God’s image, and God cares about each one deeply. As I listened, all of their stories felt heavy, and they each seemed to express an underlying question: Doesn’t anyone care?

Feedback submitted on a response card after a workshop Kristine conducted in November

One was in tears wanting to experience healing from a sexual assault she experienced at 14. Doesn’t anyone care about women who are raped? One told me about his partner who spent years in foster care. Don’t you care about kids who are suffering? Another dealt with mental illness that required significant treatment, which led him to empathize with the need for women to have affordable healthcare. Don’t you care about women who might die if they can’t get adequate medical care? Another had recently lost her mom, and she was concerned that she might become suicidal if anything were to be added to her plate. I’m struggling so hard to just get by right now, and I’m close to being suicidal myself. How can you expect someone like me to care for a child right now? Several appeared to feel like they were a burden to the people who had raised them, too, instead of a blessing. Don’t you care about me?

As I was processing a conversation I had just had with a particularly hurting student, a JFA team member noted that the Christian worldview includes “the freedom of being able to not think about ourselves.” I was struck by his comment, because in it he alluded to something that is available in Jesus that so many people we talk to haven’t been able to experience yet, and that I take for granted far too often: the freedom to not be shackled by my concerns. It made me stop and think. The staff member was not inferring that people should deny that they have concerns, or that they should stop wanting to have their needs met. He wasn’t saying the cares of the people we meet at our outreach events aren’t real, or heart-felt, or that they haven’t gone through the difficult experiences they have gone through. He also was not suggesting that we shouldn’t care in the same way that Jesus does about their experiences, or that we shouldn’t step in to meet their needs as we are able. He was simply describing the gift it is to be able to lay our burdens down and take a break from them – the gift of being able to “cast down our cares.”

As Christians, we have a worldview that tells us that we are seen, known, and loved by the God who made us, and that we can see, know, and love others freely in His name. This is true even if we weren’t told it as children, even if we didn’t experience it firsthand until we met Him, and even when we have been hurt by others in devastating ways, as many of us have been. We get to bring our cares and concerns to Him (see I Peter 5:7), set them down before Him, trust Him with them, and then experience His love, care, and healing deeply, fully, and personally. We also then get to freely focus away from our cares (which can be so liberating!) and care for others around us in a self-forgetful way. This time of year gives us a special reminder that God saw our enormous need, and humbly gave of Himself freely and fully to meet that need. It reminds us, too, of people like Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, and the wise men, who humbly gave of themselves to honor Jesus and care for those around them. The following lyrics from “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” put it this way:

Hail the Heaven-born Prince of Peace!

Hail the Sun of Righteousness!

Light and life to all He brings,

Risen with healing in His wings;

Mild He lays His glory by,

Born that man no more may die

Born to raise the sons of earth,

Born to give them second birth

Hark! The herald angels sing,

“Glory to the newborn King”

This Christmas season I hope you are encouraged by this reminder of the God who took on human flesh and cares for you, heals you, and frees you to care for others in a world that so desperately needs it.

I’ve been so encouraged and impacted, too, by those of you who have come alongside me in this new season of my life to care for me and sacrificially provide for the work that God has given me to do. Thank you! Through your prayers, housing, meals, and financial support this fall, you’ve helped my JFA colleagues and me to:

• offer comfort to hurting people, while pointing them to the God who cares deeply for them,

• train Christians to have conversations that can build bridges and provide hope and healing to a hurting world, and

• advocate on behalf of babies, mothers, and fathers who are impacted by abortion.

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. Merry Christmas!

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

— I Peter 5:7

Click here for printable version.

A Difficult Answer to a Difficult Question

I talked to a thoughtful high school student who told me I opened his mind.

I get asked many difficult questions in my conversations with students at universities. One question I get asked in nearly every conversation is, “What about abortion in the case of rape?” In May, I was at UCLA on Bruin Walk, and a woman I’ll call “Taylor” asked me if I thought abortion should be legal in this difficult circumstance, especially if the victim is really young.

I said something like:

Given the recent unrest at UCLA, I wasn’t sure how the outreach event would go, but we had two productive days of civil conversations!

I have a hard time emotionally with my own answer to this question. My heart doesn’t want to tell a rape victim that she can’t do something that she feels will help her heal. If she wants something, I just want to say “Yes” to her.  I want her to get all the care, help, and counseling she needs. I think we can agree what happened to her was wrong and evil. She should be separated from the abuser and protected from any future abuse.

A way that I help myself process this question is by imagining a twelve-year-old girl who gets pregnant from rape and decides to continue the pregnancy. Then after she gives birth, she’s now thirteen and thinks to herself, “I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m only thirteen and can’t care for a child.” Would we allow her to kill her child? Clearly the answer is no.

I bring this up because I believe a child in the womb is equally human to the newborn in this scenario. I want to come up with non-violent solutions here. I am against rape because it’s a violent act against an innocent person, and that’s precisely why I’m also against abortion. It is also a violent act against another human being.

Taylor then shared with me that she was a victim of rape. She was assaulted when she was very young, became pregnant from the rape, and then had a miscarriage. She told me she liked how I had answered the question and that it made sense. She also said she appreciated that I didn’t bring up the 1% figure that many pro-life people cite. I asked her if bringing up that percentage felt dismissive to her as a rape victim. She said that it does.

A common response to abortion in the case of rape is to highlight that only around 1% of abortions are due to rape. While this statistic is true based on the research available (see www.jfaweb.org/facts), I generally don’t bring this up. With about a million abortions happening every year, an estimated 10,000 women have abortions every year because they were raped. That’s a lot of women dealing with horrific trauma.

It’s not that I never share this statistic. It is helpful to know, and some people ask me about it. It’s important, though, that we don’t rush into sharing this statistic and neglect showing concern and compassion for victims of rape. If we aren’t careful here, we risk sounding callous and indifferent to victims of rape.

During our conversation, Taylor told me I was the first pro-life person to have a calm conversation with her. That was disheartening for me to hear, but I was also thankful God gave me the opportunity to give her a good experience discussing the issue of abortion. We went on to talk about some other traumatic experiences in her life, her religious upbringing, the Bible, and some of her beliefs about God.

I face two general challenges in every conversation I have with students. One is giving intellectually satisfying answers to all the questions, statements, and arguments people bring up to defend abortion. The other challenge is being emotionally sensitive to the person and to the difficult things each person has been through. It’s the challenge of knowing how to answer each person (Colossians 4:6). It’s a conversation rooted in love for other people and a deep love for and commitment to the truth. It’s the kind of conversation I get to have all over the country because of your support. Thank you for standing with me.

Aha Moments for Henry

Impact Report, May 2024

In this Impact Report, we feature a reflection from JFA trainer Andrea Thenhaus along with pictures of JFA trainers and volunteers at recent outreach events.  In early April, Andrea had a memorable conversation with Henry at Grand Valley State University near Grand Rapids, Michigan.  Although many people with whom we interact on campus don’t reveal their inner thought processes, Henry was kind enough to give Andrea a glimpse of how the conversation was changing him.  Aha moments are a joy to witness, but whatever the results seem on the surface, we thank God for helping us speak for those who cannot speak for themselves (Proverbs 31:8).  We thank God for you and for your partnership as we seek to be faithful in each conversation.

-Steve Wagner, Executive Director

Andrea (center) and volunteer Kalen (left) at Adams State University in Colorado (April)

Our team was nearing the end of our second day of outreach at Grand Valley State University. While the team started taking everything down, I remained available for conversations.

About this time, a student I’ll call “Henry” walked by our exhibit. I asked him if he had time to share his thoughts on the issue of abortion.

Henry replied that he was on his way to class and could not talk. Then a minute later, he turned around and said, “Actually, I have a few minutes to talk.” Our conversation went something like this:

Andrea: Okay, awesome. Do you think abortion should be legal or illegal?

Henry: I think it should be legal mainly for cases like rape, health of the baby, and life of the mother.

Andrea: Those are all hard cases for sure. Rape is such a horrific thing. Even if the woman does not get pregnant, it is still a traumatic experience. Then if the woman gets pregnant, things get even more complicated.

Kaitlyn (sitting), Kristina (center), and Seth (right) at University of Cincinnati (March)

Rather than jumping right into challenging Henry on his viewpoint, I was taking the time to slow down and show compassion for people who have been raped. Pro-choice and pro-life people all agree that rape is horrific, and it is helpful to find that common ground in our conversations. After spending a few minutes meeting the relational challenge inherent in discussing the topic of rape by acknowledging how difficult that situation is, I went on to intellectually respond to the questions he raised.

Andrea: For these specific circumstances that you mentioned, do you think abortions should be legal for all nine months of pregnancy or for a certain period of time?

Henry: Definitely a certain period of time. I believe the unborn are living human beings, so abortion should be legal for only the first trimester.

Andrea: Okay. Do you know anyone who has been affected by rape?

Henry: No, I do not. I just know it happens.

Andrea: Yeah, for sure. Here’s one way I look at it. Imagine there are two women who have been violated through rape. Both women have gotten pregnant. One of the women has given birth to her son. He is two months old now. The other woman is two months pregnant. If I asked you if both women have the right to kill their child, I think you would say no.

Henry: Right! Of course the woman with the two-month-old should not be able to kill her child.

Steve and volunteer Kim (right) at University of Arizona (February)

Andrea: I totally agree. If the unborn are human beings like the two-month-old, then we should protect the unborn even if they came about through rape, right?

Henry: You made a good point there! That makes sense. And why should the unborn be punished for the wrong that was committed?

Andrea: I agree.

Henry: Abortion should only be legal for the health of the baby and the life of the mother.

I addressed these issues, and by the end of the discussion, Henry responded:

Henry: Wow! Those are good points. This has given me a lot to think about.

Before Henry left for class, he thanked me for the conversation. I could tell that God was working in his life. Henry realized that since the unborn are living human beings, they should be protected even if they may not live very long or if they were conceived through rape.

Our trainers and volunteers often have opportunities to gently challenge pro-choice students and point out the inconsistencies in their views by asking them questions that help them think through the issue themselves. Thank you for your prayers and support that allow us to have conversations with students like Henry.

Be Relational...then Be Intellectual

In my May letter, I shared the story of my conversation with Stacey at Palomar College. It began with her saying abortion should be legal through all nine months of pregnancy because of bodily rights, and it ended with her saying, “I’ve never thought about whether the fetus is a person before. I’ll have to think about that.” This conversation illustrates a simple approach: Be relational, then be intellectual. What began as a principle we applied to the question of rape is now a principle we apply to every question related to pregnancy and abortion. You can see another great model of the basics of this approach in last month’s Impact Report by Kristina Massa entitled, “Answering the Hard Cases.”

I want to share a bit of the history of how this concept became so central to our teaching at JFA. A good starting point is a scene seven minutes into the documentary Unborn in the USA (2007), which was filmed about 19 years ago at Focus on the Family Institute (photo below). After watching that scene, a writer from Nerve Magazine (an edgy online magazine that is not recommended reading) said,

The guy is making perfect sense…He's an articulate, intelligent, calm presence. Suddenly, a chill creeps up your spine: I hope there are people on the pro-choice side who are equally perceptive and balanced.

I was the featured speaker in that scene, and here’s essentially what I was teaching: When talking about the topic of rape, we need to show sympathy for the rape victim and show emotional sensitivity to the heaviness of the topic of rape and the horror of that evil act. We need to do these things first, before making intellectual arguments. I regularly tell audiences that part of my job is to help them recover their common sense as a guide for how to respond to difficult questions like the question of abortion in the case of rape. We should be the strongest advocates for women whose basic rights have been trampled. In fact, the same concern for human rights that animates us to stand up for unborn children also animates us to stand up for all women everywhere and for their very real bodily right to be free from rape.

Focus on the Family Institute (Sept. 2004): During interactive role-play activities, Steve sometimes stood on a chair to make a point.

Being relational first and then giving intellectually credible answers to hard questions is practically wise: it works. It’s the best way to help people be open to our perspective. There’s a more fundamental reason to use this approach, though: it’s the right thing to do. Because all human beings have intrinsic value, we should stand up for them and show concern for them.

At first, we emphasized “being relational and then being intellectual” mostly on the topic of rape. Some of our trainers, notably Tammy Cook, have argued for years, though, that this approach is valuable on a much broader spectrum of questions related to pregnancy and abortion. In 2018 I put some of this approach into words in a series called “It’s Her Body.” I made the case that the relational concerns that are on the minds of people discussing the question of rape are just as present when a woman’s body is mentioned. I pointed out that many pro-choice advocates perceive or feel our advocacy against abortion to be a violation of a woman's body. If they hear our advocacy this way, the fear and horror they feel for other violations of a woman’s body will obstruct hearing our case for the unborn’s value.

To meet this challenge, I claimed that for any bodily rights argument, we should also use the approach of “be relational and then be intellectual.” First, point out that women have real bodily rights, generally speaking, and those rights have been trampled throughout history up to the present day in horrific acts including rape, domestic violence, and slavery. Then clarify how far those bodily rights extend and how it changes things when we consider that since those bodily rights are fundamental, they must have begun when the human being began, at fertilization. If the unborn also has bodily rights, their bodily rights should be respected as well. Be relational, then be intellectual.

The more we as a community have reflected on these things, we’ve realized that this is a good practice to follow with every pro-choice argument. Show sensitivity to the emotional heaviness caused by the suffering in these circumstances, then continue in that relational sensitivity as you offer intellectual clarifications.

Here’s an example: If someone says, “some women are too poor,” I begin with relational and emotional sensitivity: “That’s a good point. Some women are very poor, and I can’t fully understand what it’s like to be poor and pregnant. I’m glad you’ve brought this up, and I don’t have a simple answer.” When it seems helpful, I can then clarify that because poverty isn’t a good justification for killing a toddler whose mom is poor, this justification for abortion only works if something else is also true, that the unborn is not a human being. This clarifies that we all need to focus on this central question. We agree poverty is incredibly difficult, and we agree we need to care for poor women. What constitutes good “care” will depend on our answer to the question, “How many people are in the room?” If there’s only one person present when a woman is pregnant, and abortion kills no one, then abortion should be legal. But if abortion kills a real human being, it would be odd to offer abortion as a solution to poverty. Our approach is the same for most other justifications for abortion, including “the child will suffer,” “a woman’s life will be overturned by caring for a child,” and “the world is overpopulated such that people can’t get enough to eat.” We show concern for the suffering involved (“be relational”) and then clarify the truth that these situations don’t justify killing human beings, including the unborn (be intellectual).

Oct. 2024 Update: Note that this letter expands on the second of a series of three letters Steve wrote from February 2023 until March 2024 - letters focused on conversations skills we teach volunteers that help them get started having conversations and encourage them to stay active. Here are links to the series, including this letter, so you can see how it fits in the flow of thought:

1. “Be a Playmaker” (Feb. 2023): on the importance of setting the right expectations for results and seeing your advocacy as one piece of a bigger puzzle

2. “Thinking about the Unborn Child for the First Time” (May 2023): on being relational then intellectual

   • “Be Relational…then Be Intellectual” (this letter, Sept. 2023): on how this approach applies to every topic in every conversation

3. “Only Two Questions?” (March 2024): on the two clarification questions that can help you make an impact in any conversation

Answering the Hard Cases

August 2023 Impact Report

In almost every conversation about abortion, we can expect people to ask about “hard cases” such as rape, incest, and life-threatening pregnancy complications. In this Impact Report, JFA trainer Kristina Massa beautifully illustrates JFA’s framework for addressing these questions. Through the story of a conversation from our April 2023 outreach at Colorado State University (CSU), Kristina describes step by step how she began with relational sensitivity and continued in that mode while also offering intellectually satisfying answers. Thank you for partnering with us so we can train more Christians and pro-life advocates to use this framework. It gives our strong case against elective abortion the best chance of being considered by skeptical listeners.

Steve Wagner, Executive Director

I watched “Brad” have his first “aha” moment within a few minutes of starting our conversation. My team was set up at Colorado State University in the middle of the campus’s main plaza when I found Brad standing by the free speech board. He was staring pensively at the comments. “Do you have any thoughts on abortion?” I asked. He answered that since the unborn are not conscious, they do not have the same rights as born humans. To make sure I understood his view, I asked a few more questions and found common ground with him where I could. Eventually I felt like I had built enough rapport with him to challenge his perspective. Here is the gist of what followed:

Kristina: I agree there are many differences between the unborn and us. There are also many differences between you and me. I think the question we need to answer is whether these differences matter. For example, you have dark skin, I have light skin. You are taller than me, I have longer hair than you. I am older than you, you are probably smarter than me. It seems like in order to demand we should be treated equally, there has to be something the same or equal about us; something that adults and infants have, but animals do not. Since animals are also conscious, it seems like the quality that grounds our equal rights must be more fundamental.

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Kristina (right) talks to students at JFA’s Fort Lewis College outreach event in Durango, Colorado in April 2022.

That was when he had his first “aha” moment.

Brad: We’re all human beings.

Intellectually, he understood the pro-life position. Emotionally, there was still one roadblock hindering him from agreeing with it.

Brad: But what if a woman was raped? My mom was raped and became pregnant with my older sister. Do you think women should have a choice in a situation like that?

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Here’s a close up of the free speech board at the CSU outreach. It’s a concept we’ve been testing recently.

Brad asked me a yes or no question, but I was not going to give him a quick yes or no response. The scenario was personal to him, and I needed to meet him relationally before I could give him my answer.

Kristina: I am so sorry your mom went through that. Rape is one of the most heinous crimes. How is she doing now?

Brad: Yeah, it was really hard on her. Thankfully she was already married to my dad, and he was very supportive of her through it. He told her that he would help her take care of my sister.

Rather than immediately answering his question, I slowed the conversation down by expressing concern for his mother. I focused on meeting what we at JFA call “the relational challenge.” This answers the question, “What about the woman? Do pro-life people think the lives of women who have been raped matter?” After all, the woman we were discussing was not an abstract hypothetical character. For Brad, she was his mother.

Still, Brad wanted to know my answer to “the intellectual challenge:” Is abortion justified if the woman was raped? Should it be legal? To answer this, I used the dialogue tool Trot Out the Toddler. It went something like this:

Kristina: Can I share a scenario with you that’s related to your question?

Brad: Sure.

Kristina: Imagine a woman is raped, becomes pregnant, and gives birth to her baby. She’s hurting, and even looking at her baby overwhelms her with fear and pain because her child’s existence reminds her of her attack. This is a terrible and tragic scenario no one should ever have to face. But Brad, I am guessing you and I will agree on a few things about this situation: We both want this woman to heal. We also want her to have choices to go about her healing. But those choices are not unlimited. If she thought ending her infant’s life would be the most helpful way to heal her trauma, we would not let her go through with it. Would you say you share that conviction as well?

Brad: Yes, she cannot kill her baby. That’s a human being.

Kristina: I agree with you, and that is the significant thing. When we say she cannot kill her newborn, we are not saying, “I don’t care about your rape. I don’t care about your trauma. I don’t care about your child.” What we are saying is, “I care so much about you, and I want you to have choices. I just want you to have choices that will help both of you and don’t add violence to an already violent situation.” Since the unborn have a human nature like the infant in this circumstance, do you think it could make sense to protect the unborn in the same way we protect infants who were conceived in rape?

Brad paused to reflect. And then I watched him have his second “aha” moment.

Brad’s comment on the free speech board

Brad: I think you are right. Unborn human beings have the same basic rights we do, so they should be protected, too.

Then he walked back to the free speech board to write the following comment: “It comes down to how we value human life. As humans, we create criteria for what qualifies as a “human.” That is how I perceive the pinpoint of this argument. Perhaps if we come to an agreement for what is truly human, we could apply that criteria for everyone...”

Thank you for helping me make the abortion of all children – regardless of the circumstances that created them – unthinkable, one person at a time. In case no one has told you recently, your life matters, too!

Thinking about the Unborn Child for the First Time

Stacey walked up to our outreach signs looking curious. We were standing on a busy walkway at Palomar College (CA) in December. I asked a few questions about her thoughts on abortion, and she clarified that she thought abortion should be legal until birth. Here’s my recollection of the rest of the conversation:

Steve: Do you believe abortion should be legal because you believe a woman has a right to her body?

Stacey: Yes. A woman’s right to her body is really important to me.

Steve: I agree that a woman has a right to her body, generally speaking, and I agree that’s really important. Women’s bodily rights have been trampled on and continue to be trampled on throughout the world with practices like slavery, rape, and domestic violence. I think those things are horrific and wrong.

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Palomar College Outreach in December 2022: Steve (center, black shirt) and other JFA staff members interact with students.

Stacey: I agree.

Steve: Do you agree with me that a woman’s bodily rights are not simply created or determined by the state? Instead, they’re fundamental. They’re like other human rights. If the state didn’t protect those rights, the state would be wrong.

Stacey: Yes, that’s true.

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Pages 4-5 of JFA’s Invitation to Dialogue Brochure.

Steve: I have some pictures over here that might be helpful to our conversation. [I showed her the signs that show pages four and five of the Invitation to Dialogue Brochure.] Look at this young woman pictured here. Can we agree that she has bodily rights that the state should respect?

Stacey: I agree with that.

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JFA’s setup at the National Mall on April 26-27 included the signs Steve referred to in his conversation with Stacey.

Steve: Now, what about this toddler? I assume we would agree he shouldn’t be killed. Can we agree he has bodily rights that are fundamental?

Stacey: Yes.

Steve: So the woman and the toddler have the same bodily rights. And those rights are fundamental, so the situation would have to reach a really high bar to justify limiting something so important as a person’s bodily rights. Perhaps the only legitimate way the state could limit those rights is if these people were using their bodies to take away someone else’s bodily rights.

Stacey: That’s a good point.

Steve: Does it make sense to you that if their rights are fundamental, they had them from the moment they began to exist? When did this toddler begin to exist?

Stacey: That makes sense, but I guess I’m not sure. What do you think?

Steve: Well, from fertilization [pointing at image on sign], when the sperm and the egg came together, both ceased to exist, and a new organism came into existence. All that’s been added from then until the toddler stage is food. If we have something as important as fundamental human rights now, I don’t think we could gain those rights by eating. So, I think the woman and the toddler began to exist at fertilization, and that’s also when they gained their fundamental right to their bodies. But that would mean that the embryo has a fundamental right to his body just like the toddler and the woman.

Our conversation continued for ten minutes or so. (Indeed, Stacey contributed much more detailed responses than what my memory has allowed me to include here.) We discussed how the embryo is very different from us (in looks and functions) but is also the same kind of being that we are—a being with the same human nature we have. If this is true, the woman’s fundamental right to her body would not include the right to abortion, because then abortion would be killing a human being with the same bodily rights.

As Stacey got ready to move on from the conversation, she eagerly accepted a copy of the Invitation to Dialogue Brochure that included the same pictures we had been discussing. What she said in parting really surprised me:

Stacey: I never thought about the fetus as a separate person—that it has its own rights we would be taking away. I’ll have to think about that!

At the beginning of this conversation, Stacey sounded completely pro-choice, and frankly, I think I suspected she wouldn’t have much interest in an alternative opinion. She showed the exact opposite throughout our conversation. It’s a lesson I’ve learned again and again: Don’t make assumptions from appearances.

As I found common ground with Stacey repeatedly about bodily rights, showing relational sensitivity to the emotionally heavy topic of what a woman can do with her body, I think she became open to my perspective about the unborn child. That’s the sequence we teach any chance we can: Be relational…then be intellectual. That approach helped Stacey to consider the possibility there was a whole other person involved in the abortion question, and she showed genuine interest in thinking further about that.

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Jan. 2025 Update: Note that this letter is the second of a series of three letters Steve wrote from February 2023 until March 2024 - letters focused on conversations skills we teach volunteers that help them get started having conversations and encourage them to stay active. Here are links to the series, including this letter, so you can see how it fits in the flow of thought:

1. “Be a Playmaker” (Feb. 2023): on the importance of setting the right expectations for results and seeing your advocacy as one piece of a bigger puzzle

2. “Thinking about the Unborn Child for the First Time” (this letter, May 2023): on being relational then intellectual

   • “Be Relational…then Be Intellectual” (Sept. 2023): on how this approach applies to every topic in every conversation

3. “Only Two Questions?” (March 2024): on the two clarification questions that can help you make an impact in any conversation

See the Letters in this Series