Use the post, “Equal Rights for Whom? — Stephanie Gray at Google” to start a conversation in a natural way with a friend who has any perspective on abortion. The post is written with the pro-choice person in mind and features a two-minute clip from Stephanie Gray’s talk at Google in which she discusses the UN Declaration of Human Rights. Then the post asks two questions that get the conversation started. To view the post and share it on social media, use the links below. If you use this tool to start a conversation, please let us know how it goes!
"Equal Rights for Whom?" - Stephanie Gray at Google (video clip)
The question of women's rights and abortion many times is framed in terms of human rights. In a talk at Google headquarters, Stephanie Gray discussed the concept of human rights and what this concept means for abortion rights. During her talk, she began with a point of common ground on which many people agree: the UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights (21:07 - 24:41). After watching, we suggest answering the following questions, preferably in dialogue with someone else:
"Do you agree with the UN Declaration's approach to human rights and personhood? If you believe in human rights, on what do you think they are based - human nature or something else?"
(You can also respond using the comments section below or using the version of this post at our @7conversations Twitter feed.)
More on Stephanie Gray:
View Stephanie's full talk at Google by clicking here.
Visit www.stephaniegray.info to learn more about Stephanie and her book, Love Unleashes Life: Abortion & the Art of Communicating Truth.
An Example to Follow - Stephanie Gray's Talk at Google
[Video Starts During Q&A Portion] Stephanie Gray responds to a question from the audience during her presentation at Google headquarters.
[Full Presentation] Google's description reads: "Stephanie Gray, internationally renowned speaker and author, applies the Socratic method and storytelling to the debate surrounding abortion. She invites the audience to be 'pro-conversation' on a topic that can be one of the most divisive, and demonstrates that it is possible to be gracious and respectful when encountering different ideas."
We’re ecstatic that our friend, international pro-life speaker Stephanie Gray, has recently been featured by Talks at Google at Google's headquarters in Mountain View, California. In her talk, "Abortion: From Controversy to Civility," Stephanie modeled powerfully how sharing stories, questions, and thought experiments can transform your conversations about abortion.
This whole talk is just over an hour long and is certainly worth watching. If you'd like to start with a short segment, however, we've highlighted two minutes from the Q&A portion (53:26 - 55:26). Listen for Stephanie's great advice on starting conversations in a pro-choice environment.*
In the coming days, we will highlight a few more short segments on our blog and our @7conversations Twitter feed. However, these upcoming posts will be designed to share so that you can use them to start a conversation of your own. If you use one of the upcoming posts to create dialogue, let us know how it goes!
Visit www.stephaniegray.info to learn more about Stephanie and her book, Love Unleashes Life: Abortion & the Art of Communicating Truth.
*Note: Also included in this video clip is a response to the question of abortion in the case of rape. Stephanie does a great job of compassionately and clearly addressing this topic in the short time format. In personal conversations about abortion and the question of rape, you'll usually have a bit more time. For additional suggestions on ways to approach this, see JFA's Abortion: From Debate to Dialogue - The Interactive Guide (pages 20-22).
Recent and Upcoming Events - Please Pray
Please pray with us that God will cause hearts and minds to change as a result of conversations created by our staff, volunteers, and audience members:
CA — 5/21-23 — Los Angeles — Seminar and Kiosk Outreach at UCLA
KS — 6/21, 27, 28 — Poll Table Outreach at Wichita State University
Listen Online — 6/22 — Tammy Cook Interview — Culture of Life Radio — www.thehub.nm
VA — 7/7 — Fredericksburg — Workshop at SFLA Wilberforce Program Kickoff — Steve Wagner
MD — 7/20 — Baltimore — Workshop for SFLA Regional Coordinators — Steve Wagner
MN — 9/30 — Chanhassen — Workshop — Steve Wagner
IN, MN, TX, OK — Fall 2017 — Large Exhibit or Ten-Foot Kiosk Outreach Events (Details TBA)
List of All Recent and Upcoming Events
Featured Resource to Equip Yourself - June
Last month we shared Rebecca Haschke’s letter, “A Lesson in Love — Part 1,” in which a young man named “Sam” was so rude at the start of the conversation that Rebecca nearly gave up talking to Sam altogether. Despite her inner frustration, Rebecca repeatedly made a choice to love him and was surprised by the conversation that followed. This month, we are sharing the rest of the story, “A Lesson in Love — Part 2.” Because of Rebecca’s humility and her willingness to find common ground, Sam opened up about his past. As you read, notice how choosing to love, even when it was difficult, provided an unexpected opportunity for healing to begin.
Read the Full Story or Download a Printable Version.
Resources for Friends with Abortion in Their Past.
Featured Conversation Starter - June
You can start a conversation with a friend in a natural way by sharing Joanna Bai’s recent post, “I’ll never know you. I never got a chance.” The post features a letter a father wrote to his child and left on a JFA poll table in 2004. This letter, featured on JFA’s Stop and Think Exhibit, can help both pro-choice and pro-life advocates think more deeply about abortion’s effects and develop greater empathy for women and men dealing with past abortion. The post, including reflection questions, is intended to be a tool you can use to create a conversation naturally with people of any perspective. To view the post and share it on social media, use the links below. If you use this conversation starter, please let us know how it goes!
Share the Post: Twitter ; JFA Blog Post
About the Making Abortion Unthinkable with JFA Resource Bulletin
For friends of JFA who ask, “What can I do to make abortion unthinkable?” this resource bulletin offers some answers. Beyond supporting JFA financially, which enables JFA’s trainers and volunteers to create conversations that make abortion unthinkable at JFA’s events, you can PRAY for the conversations the JFA community is creating (including your own), PREPARE for conversations, and START conversations.
A Lesson in Love
Rebecca's Reflections, June 2017 (Part I) and July 2017 (Part II)
By Rebecca Haschke, JFA Training Specialist
PART I
Pictured above are comments written this past April on one of the Free Speech Boards at Colorado State University. Click here to see more pictures from the CSU April 2017 event, which featured our large Stop and Think Exhibit.
A short distance away from me, three students stood, laughing loudly and verbally mocking our display. They had just walked past our large Stop and Think Exhibit, which we had put up to create dialogue at Colorado State University in April. Curious, they had approached our Free Speech Board (see example pictured nearby) and, after reading a few comments, began to vocally agree with others who had written in opposition to JFA.
Even after years of experience engaging students about abortion, I didn’t even have an ounce of desire to strike up a conversation with this group. Before the students walked away, though, from somewhere deep inside I was prompted to take courage and walk over to them. So, I went (albeit begrudgingly) and inquired:
Becca: Hey guys, do you mind if I ask, “What are your thoughts?”
A Free Speech Board comment from the Colorado State University Stop and Think outreach. View more photos from the CSU April 2017 event by clicking here.
Two of the students walked away as if I didn’t exist. The third student, “Sam,” quickly turned toward me, laughed again, and sarcastically questioned me:
Sam: You want to know what I think? Yea-a-a-h, I’ll share my thoughts.
At that moment thoughts started floating through my mind. “I really don’t want to be in this conversation. I wish I hadn’t engaged him. Why am I doing this?” I attempted to learn more about his view by asking him questions, but I was battling those negative thoughts the whole time. As I tried to find common ground with him (even in the smallest of ways), he shared his belief that abortion should be legal for all nine months and for any reason. When I asked whether or not he agreed with sex-selection abortion, his response indicated that, yes, indeed he did.
After all my attempts to find common ground, I ended up empty-handed. His mocking demeanor continued and eventually a more complete picture of his view emerged. It was something like this:
A Free Speech Board comment from the Colorado State University Stop and Think outreach. View more photos from the CSU April 2017 event by clicking here.
Sam (paraphrased): Even if a woman wants to kill a child after it is born it really doesn’t matter. Although US law doesn’t currently reflect this, in reality nothing has value. Even born humans don’t matter. The only value that exists is the value that we as individuals assign to a particular object or being. So if a woman doesn’t think a two-year-old is valuable, for her it doesn’t really matter if she kills her child.
Because of Sam’s demeanor, I felt that attempting to challenge his beliefs would have been done in vain. I mentally prepared to exit the conversation when another thought overwhelmed my mind: “Love him, Rebecca. Love the person he is. Find a way to love him.” I’ll “blame” those thoughts on the Holy Spirit.
Once again from somewhere deep inside I found the courage to try to do what I felt I had no capacity to do – love him. At this point I didn’t know where to take the conversation about abortion, so I just asked him about him. I remember asking,
Becca: Have you always felt this way?
Students stop to read a Free Speech Board at the Colorado State University Stop and Think outreach. View more photos from the CSU April 2017 event by clicking here.
Sam: No. And I probably won’t always hold these views. I grew up Catholic. Things in life happen, and these events help form our views. We are all searching, and our views change as we journey through life.
Becca: So, when did this change take place for you?
As he told his story he shared about the intellectual encounters he had had with others who are atheists, how much those encounters had influenced him, and how old he was when he started questioning God’s existence. My next response may have been the most crucial part of the conversation. Sam’s experience wasn’t so foreign to me, and I told him so.
Becca: Sam, you know what? I can relate to that. Of course, every person’s story is different, but sometimes they have similar elements to them. When I was 21, I studied in Mexico and met a guy from Germany named Marc. We had many discussions about religion and the existence of God. Marc was a very intelligent young man, and he had better answers to why he believed God didn’t exist than I had for why I believed God did exist. When I returned home from Mexico, I had many doubts in my mind about God’s existence and what I believed. At that point, I started a journey of searching for answers to some of those questions, too. I can understand at some level why you have doubts.
As Sam discovered that we had genuine common ground, his demeanor changed. He seemed to be less defensive, mocking, and condescending. He also seemed to be appreciating the conversation as we each shared more about our personal experiences. Little did I know that Sam was about to share something that would remind me why choosing to love him was so important in the first place.
(To be continued in Part II below...)
Note: This story was JFA's Featured Resource for May 2017.
PART II
Tired of standing, we found a nearby place to sit down. This is where Sam shared with me that sometime in the past year he and his girlfriend had had an abortion. My heart sank. It now made sense why he had been so defensive. At that point, I asked:
Becca: Please know you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but how is your girlfriend doing?
Although he attempted to hide it, I saw a deeply pained look take over his face and posture. More of their story poured out from his heart. So then I asked:
Becca: Sam, how are you doing?
He shared his story of pain, sadness, struggles with suicidal thoughts after the abortion, and much more. My heart sank again. The fact that he held the radical ideas and thoughts he had shared earlier in the conversation now made more sense to me. He may have been using these ideas as coping mechanisms as he tried to sort through the pain he was experiencing.
As I allowed him to tell more of his story, I also shared with him the stories of other men (some of whom I’ve met and others about whom I’ve read) who have lost a child to abortion. He was shocked to discover that other post-abortive men have struggled with some of the same things he had been experiencing. Tears never slid down his cheeks, but several times I was sure I saw them forming in the brims of his eyes.
Sam shared that on the day he and his girlfriend had walked into the clinic for the abortion, someone from among the pro-life crowd at the clinic threw something at the two of them. It was apparent to me that that action hurt Sam not physically, but emotionally. My heart sank yet again. The anger toward pro-life advocates that I sensed in him was now more understandable.
After over an hour had passed, he had to leave for class. As he stood up to depart, he asked if it would be alright if he gave me a hug. After the hug he pointed toward the Stop and Think Exhibit and said:
Sam: I talked with another lady at the display yesterday, too. We may not agree on everything about abortion, but the approach to what you guys are doing out here — I completely support this.
Sam then slid his sunglasses down over his eyes and walked away. I was humbled.
While reflecting on this conversation later that day, I noted that in the midst of being mocked, I had rediscovered the key to disarming hate, anger, and condescension. It’s love — not a mushy, sappy, or happy emotional feeling that many people call love, but an action that is self-sacrificial and often hurts. I’ve been taught this repeatedly throughout my life but continually seem to need reminders. My encounter with Sam was a real-life example of what love is and what it does. If I hadn’t listened to the promptings to love him, Sam would have likely continued to exhibit the hardness of heart that I had witnessed from him earlier in the conversation. Choosing to love him, even when it wasn’t enjoyable, opened a door for him to be vulnerable in a way that was unexpected — likely unexpected for both me and for Sam. Because this reminder occurred through a real-life experience — a conversation — I hope it is a lesson in love that I won’t so quickly forget.
The thoughts and feelings I experienced during this conversation made me think I should spend some time reading how St. Paul describes love in his first letter to the Corinthians so that the next time I meet a student like Sam, I may joyfully respond to him instead of begrudgingly engaging him. After reading through 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, I chose to include the excerpts below in this newsletter because each phrase reminded me specifically of my encounter with Sam.
If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal … Love is patient, love is kind … it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13 (excerpts)
Until Sam knew I cared about him as a person, it did not matter how eloquently I defended the right to life of the unborn because he would have likely only heard me as a gong or a clashing cymbal. Somehow, I recognized that continuing to speak about abortion would have been in vain. Sadly, my initial thought in response to this was to abandon the conversation, which was not a reaction of patience. I’m grateful for the overwhelming thoughts that prompted me to find a way to love Sam and, in turn, prompted me to practice patience.
Even though I was begrudging the idea of continuing a conversation in which I felt mocked, disliked, and uncomfortable, the prompt to love Sam helped me to treat Sam with kindness. This prompting also gave me the strength to battle the temptations to:
be quick-tempered and abruptly tell him how false his ideas were,
seek my own interests by departing from this uncomfortable conversation, or
return the rudeness that I was encountering with further rudeness.
Love bears all things. I realize now that because I was given strength to bear the mockery and condescension at the beginning of the conversation with Sam, the doors opened for him to be vulnerable enough to share his story. It’s possible that prior to my conversation with him he had never felt free to be open with someone who is pro-life.
Tears fill the brims of my eyes, too, as I think of Sam and read that love believes all things, hopes all things … Love never fails. There are so many more thoughts and resources I want to share with Sam — but I cannot because I don’t know how to contact him. I want him to experience healing. I desire for him to help the mother of his child heal. I desire for Sam to hear the arguments against abortion, but I want him to hear them from someone who will be gentle with him. I want to believe and have hope that these things are possible — that even while my attempt to love Sam was imperfect, God’s love for Sam will not fail.
Please join me in praying for Sam and in studying these words of St. Paul’s in order that each of us can joyfully respond, with love, to every Sam we encounter in our lives.
AFTERWORD
Please see JFA's June Resource Bulletin, which includes resources you can use to help someone like Sam who has an abortion in his or her past. In addition, the Resource Bulletin links to a letter a young man wrote to his daughter after he found out she had been aborted. He named her Rilegh. You can use that letter to help someone begin to process a past abortion experience.
Recent and Upcoming Events: April - September
Please pray with us that God will cause hearts and minds to change as a result of conversations created by our staff, volunteers, and audience members (partial list):
CO — 4/21-26 — Fort Collins – Seminars and Large Exhibit Outreach (3 Days) at CSU
CA — 4/22 — Irvine – Presentation at SFLA California Leadership Summit — Steve Wagner
KS — 5/1 — Wichita — Presentations at Bishop Carroll Catholic High School
CA — 5/21-23 — Los Angeles — Seminar and Kiosk Outreach at UCLA
VA — 7/7 — Fredericksburg — Workshop at SFLA Wilberforce Program Kickoff — Steve Wagner
MD — 7/20 — Baltimore — Workshop for SFLA Regional Coordinators — Steve Wagner
MN — 9/30 — Chanhassan — Workshop — Steve Wagner
All Recent and Upcoming Events: JFA Event Calendar ; JFA Event Photos
Staff Updates: JFA Blog ; JFA's Facebook Page
JFA Prayer Team Updates: Sign up for prayer team updates.
Featured Resource to Equip Yourself - May
“Sam” was so rude at the start of his conversation with JFA trainer Rebecca Haschke that she nearly gave up talking to him altogether. Despite her inner frustration, she repeatedly made a choice to love him and was surprised by the conversation that followed. Rebecca shared the story in her letter, “A Lesson in Love — Part 1.” As you read, notice how Rebecca sought to understand Sam, find common ground with him, and humbly share aspects of her own experience. As pro-life advocates seeking to create good conversations, we should work to master these skills. (Want to read the rest of the story? We’ll feature Part 2 of the letter as next month’s free resource.)
Featured Conversation Starter - May
You can start a conversation with a friend in a natural way by sharing Steve Wagner’s recent post, “Identifying with Her Uncertain Future.” The post features a beautiful painting by Mexican artist Saturnino Herrán (from JFA’s Art of Life Exhibit). The post and painting can help us start a conversation with important points of common ground: Many women who find themselves pregnant are in very difficult situations, they feel that their future is very uncertain, and we need to take this into account by discussing abortion with sympathy and compassion for the women experiencing these things. To view the painting and share it on social media, use the links below. If you use this conversation starter, please let us know how it goes!
Share the Post: Twitter (@7conversations) ; JFA Blog ("Start the Conversation")
About the Making Abortion Unthinkable with JFA Resource Bulletin
For friends of JFA who ask, “What can I do to make abortion unthinkable?” this resource bulletin offers some answers. Beyond supporting JFA financially, which enables JFA’s trainers and volunteers to create conversations that make abortion unthinkable at JFA’s events, you can PRAY for the conversations the JFA community is creating (including your own), PREPARE for conversations, and START conversations.
Identifying with her uncertain future
"Uncertain future" from JFA's Art of Life Exhibit.
This panel from JFA's Art of Life Exhibit features "La ofrenda" ("The offering") by Mexican painter Saturnino Herrán (1913). It may not be possible to know exactly what is pictured here, but since the marigold is a flower frequently associated with death in some Latin American and Hispanic cultures, this may be a funeral procession. We can imagine that the woman and children pictured may be grappling with an uncertain future after the death of a husband and father.
Let's consider the woman who finds herself pregnant unexpectedly. Many times she is facing a very uncertain future. Will I be able to care for this baby? What will happen to my prospects for a career or even my prospects to be able to eat and provide for myself if I give birth to a baby? Will I be able to handle the pains of labor? Will I be able to find a loving adoptive couple to care for this baby if I am not able? Will I lose my scholarship and then be forced to work in menial jobs for the rest of my life because I had to abandon my education? Will I be dependent on others instead of being able to care for myself? Will my friends abandon me? Will the father of this baby stick around or will he just move on because I'm no longer desirable to him?
Unless we've been in a situation of unplanned pregnancy, it may be difficult for us to identify with these sorts of feelings that a woman faces when she finds herself pregnant unexpectedly. But we must try to identify with her and understand how difficult it is from her perspective to think about carrying the child to term and giving birth. Do you agree that it is helpful to give attention to these fears a woman has when she faces the uncertain future a pregnancy presents to her? How should this change the way in which we discuss abortion? Do you agree with the panel above that makes the claim that facing an uncertain future is better than killing a child by abortion?
(For more information about the painting, including a link to a high resolution image of the painting, see JFA's Art of Life Exhibit page.)
Recent and Upcoming Events - March, April, May
Please pray with us that God will cause hearts and minds to change as a result of conversations created by our staff members, volunteers, and audience members at recent and upcoming events (partial list):
OH — 3/24-25 — Mason/Wilmington — Interactive Workshops — Catherine Wurts
TX — 3/29 — Austin — Interactive Workshop at Austin Oaks Church — Jeremy Gorr, Jon Wagner
OK — 4/2-3 — Stillwater – Interactive Workshop and Kiosk Outreach at OSU
KS — 4/11 — Wichita – Survey Outreach at WSU
CO — 4/21-23 — Denver/Fort Collins – Seminars to Prepare Volunteers for CSU Outreach
CA — 4/22 — Irvine – Presentation at SFLA California Leadership Summit — Steve Wagner
CO — 4/24-26 — Fort Collins – Large Exhibit Outreach at CSU (Three Days)
CA — 5/21-23 — Los Angeles — Seminar and Kiosk Outreach (Two Days) at UCLA
All Recent and Upcoming Events: JFA Event Calendar ; JFA Event Photos
Staff Updates: JFA Blog ; JFA's Facebook Page
JFA Prayer Team Updates: Sign up for prayer team updates.
Featured Resource to Equip Yourself - April
“What Are the Facts?” is JFA’s easy-to-use resource for answering common questions about how many abortions happen at which stages of pregnancy for which reasons, as well as questions about abortion procedures and the legality of abortion. This handy summary will both increase your knowledge of the facts and help you find common ground early in your conversations with pro-choice advocates. JFA intentionally cites neutral or pro-choice sources for the claims made in “What Are the Facts?” to help you share information without putting unnecessary stumbling blocks into the conversation.
Read or Download a Printable Version here.
Featured Conversation Starter - April
We encourage you to use the post, “Is this common surgery helpful or harmful?” to start a conversation. This post features an informational video from www.abortionprocedures.com in which former abortionist Dr. Anthony Levatino explains in medical terms the most common abortion procedure, a first-trimester aspiration (D&C) abortion. Dr. Levatino performed over 1,200 abortions before coming to the conclusion that “killing a baby at any stage of pregnancy is wrong.” To view the video and share it on social media, see the links to the post below. Remember, the goal of our conversation starters is to help an average pro-life advocate to create a conversation about abortion in a natural, less-awkward way. If you use this conversation starter, please let us know how it goes!
Share the Post and Video: Twitter (@7conversations) ; JFA Blog ("Start the Conversation")
About the Making Abortion Unthinkable with JFA Resource Bulletin
For friends of JFA who ask, “What can I do to make abortion unthinkable?” this resource bulletin offers some answers. Beyond supporting JFA financially, which enables JFA’s trainers and volunteers to create conversations that make abortion unthinkable at JFA’s events, you can PRAY for the conversations the JFA community is creating (including your own), PREPARE for conversations, and START conversations.